United States of America vs. The French Empire

Prematch: Napoleon sees the Americans getting ready across the field and is a little shocked and a little relieved.

            “Look Ney, their thinly spread and have a lot of heavy artillery. It’s not like something we’ve ever seen before but the fools will make short work after a cavalry charge,” says Napoleon to one of his Marshals.

            “Indeed,” says Marshal Ney looking at the American’s through a telescope, “They seem to rely on their artillery and heavy cavalry.”

            On the other side of the field Rumsfield and General Franks see a different picture.

            “Ha! Their troops are bunched up, an artillery barrage will surly end any threat their infantry would pose to ours,” says Rumsfield to Franks confidently.

            “Umm,” says Franks a little concerned, “Napoleon is a tricky little bastard and might do something crazy and could turn the tables.”

American Battle Plan: The Americans under Rumsfield and Franks will bombard the bunched infantry hopping to break their spirits and initiate a full scale retreat which the infantry and heavy cavalry (tanks but since we’re trying to make the weapons equal heavily armed but mobile cavalry will do) hope to turn into a route and leave Napoleon with his pants down.

French Battle Plan: Napoleon will try something different from the norm, which he is prone to do, taking advantage of the highly unorthodoxly thin line he will send his cavalry in first hoping to scatter the American infantry before their heavy bombardments and heavy cavalry can have too much of an effect. After the infantry is scattered what’s left of the infantry will come in and sweep up the rest, a role reversal from the usual tactics of the time.

The Match

            The match begins and Napoleon quickly deploys his cavalry charging down the field. Rumsfield opens up the heavy bombardment and like predicted it does heavy damage to the packed French line. Marshal Ney orders the line to thin out in face of this devastating bombardment but the French lose valuable numbers before the confused and shock French troops reform in greatly spaced straight line. American’s are shocked that the French took the pounding and now they have the French cavalry to worry about. Franks sees this and orders the American heavy cavalry to mobilize. The cavalry are getting close to the thin American line where the Americans, bellies to the ground, are picking them off trying to buy time for their own cavalry. The French cavalry has a hard time reaching the Americans laying on the ground but still manage to swoop down to take some out. Napoleon sees his plan working and sends the infantry under Marshal Ney in their spaced out line with the order to bunch together when their too close for the artillery to fire without hitting their own men. The American artillery meanwhile continues its attack but getting less and less success as their blasts create bigger holes in French lines making it harder to hit more with one fire. The French cavalry are advancing into the American line but slower and with more causalities than Napoleon hopped for. The American infantry manages to buy enough time and the heavy cavalry rushes in between the Americans and blasts the French cavalry to pieces. The French cavalry is in retreat having their numbers picked off at an alarming rate. The French infantry looks at their cavalry passing by them and then sees the American infantry advancing mixed in with their heavy cavalry. This is too much for the badly battered French infantry and they lose heart and retreat and like the American Plan called for, the infantry and heavy cavalry turn the retreat into a route and Napoleon is forced off the battlefield and back to Saint Helena.

Japan vs. Spain

Prematch: The Japanese looks confident as the rag tag Spanish force with a smile. They see that the Spanish have gathered the Koreans and some Chinese to aid in the fight but Japan has always beat them easily so why should this be any different?

            “This match will be over before the sun set,” says Prince Kanin Kotohito with a laugh not giving the Spanish much thought.

            The Spanish look at the other side a little fearful but Cortez tries to cheer them up.

            “Men we have brought empires to their knees, plunder the greatest plunder ever, and did the impossible! What makes you think that a situation like this is any different,” says Cortez inspiring confidence into his mixed-national force.

Japanese Battle Plan: Japanese confidence and experienced says that the Koreans and Chinese should roll over and they’ve never heard of any Spanish power so they are of no concern. A quick all out attack with some careful movement of units should give the Japanese all the effort they need to make it to the second round.

Spanish Battle Plan: The Spanish look to use their new “allies” as human shields weakening the Japanese also buying time to look for a weakness in their lines and hopefully exploit it for a victory. The Spanish look to keep the battle at range because one-on-one the Japanese will dominate.

The Match

            The Japanese move first and quickly not wanting to leave the initiative to the Spanish, who in response move the mixed Chinese-Korean units to the front line to meet the Japanese advancements. The Spanish try to use artillery to slow the advance but the Japanese spread out and keep moving. The Japanese are having better success with their artillery because the untrained Chinese-Korean force is inexperienced and untrained. The Japanese began their primary attack on their right (Spanish left) flank. Cortez still not seeing the weakness he wants is forced to use his Spanish troops prematurely to halt the Japanese who are easily thrusting through the Spanish left flank. The Spanish troops manage to slow the advancement but not stop it. The Japanese slow and regroup getting ready to make another attack. The Spanish use this time to rally their allies and together they attack the incoming Japanese hoping to get the Japanese to retreat. The gamble doesn’t pay off though as the Japanese hold their ground and the fighting goes into the much feared hand-to-hand stage. Cortez knows that’s only a matter of time before the Japanese break through and end the battle so he gambles again and throws in his reserve to attack the Japanese left flank. For a while it works as the surprised Japanese at first back up at the oncoming advance on Spanish, Chinese, and Korean troops. Prince Kotohito though recognizes the attack for what it is, a last desperate attempt, and sends in reserves sufficient enough to stop the advancement. The rest of the reserves are sent to the right flank to push the advance quicker. Shortly after the Japanese are reinforced they manage to break the Spanish line and quickly end the battle in favor for Japan. Cortez and his men get to experience the Japanese way of interrupting the Geneva Conventions.

China vs. Mongolia

Prematch: Sun Tzu looks at a familiar enemy with a worried look in his eyes.

            “This will not be good,” Sun Tzu says, “Right now is not the time or place we want to face a Mongol force of equal numbers.”

            “But sir we have no choice, it’s either this or forfeit,” says a subordinate.

            “I know,” Sun Tzu says, “Hopefully they get too confident and then we can find a way to slay the dragon of the north.

            At the Mongolian camp Sun Tzu’s words of over confidence seem to ring true as the Mongols laugh at their first round opponent.

            “Ha ha ha!” laughs Genghis Kang, “We’ve beat the Chinese so many time that it’s just routine for us now.”

            The rest of the Great Kang’s staff laughs as well as they began their victory party before the match even starts.

Chinese Plan: The Chinese have faced the Mongols many times and know what to expect but the problem is that they don’t know how to beat it yet. The Chinese will wait for the Mongols close and then the Chinese horsemen will attack hoping to hold the Mongols in place until the infantry spearmen can come in and finish off the Mongol horde.

Mongol Plan: The Mongols will attack the Chinese from range moving around quickly not giving the Chinese archers the chance to have equal success. Next the Mongols will surprise the Chinese right flank with a direct attack there hoping to knock the Chinese on their back and finish them off.

The Match

            The Mongols move in to attack the Chinese lines but this doesn’t catch Sun Tzu off guard. Instead he orders his horsemen to advance and attack up the middle which does catch Genghis Kang off guard but he then just orders his left flank to attack the on coming Chinese attack. The Mongol attack catches the Chinese horsemen by surprise not expecting an attack from the sides and they are swept out of the way by the Mongol left attack. Sun Tzu now sees that his advancing infantry are now exposed to the Mongol attack. He decides to halt their advance and orders them into defensive position and his archers to make the area just ahead of the infantry to rain with arrows. The Mongols halt their advance short of the arrows and attack the Chinese infantry with their own arrows. The Chinese horsemen meanwhile have recovered and are poised to attack the Mongol right. Genghis Khan sees and orders his right to halt the advance and his left flank and center to double up and attack down the Chinese center. After the Chinese archers shoot another round of arrows the Mongols advance, the Chinese defenders are ready but faced a determined Mongols with both swordsmen and archers on horseback. The archers ride in the front and pick off the vanguard of the Chinese defense which puts the rest of the Chinese out of sink while the Mongol right holds off the Chinese horsemen.  The Mongol horsemen then sweep in and cut to pieces the rest of the confused Chinese defense and they in return start a rapid retreat and Sun Tzu rides away knowing that the day is lost again for China. The Mongols meanwhile commence in their usual raping and pillaging of the losers countryside.

The Roman Empire vs. The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland

Prematch: The Romans look at the British assembling and don’t seem too worried. They had seen strong resistance and defeated it easily. Octavian has confidence in his men that they will carry the day.

            “These British and their funny redcoats will be no match for our men in iron,” says Octavian to his men and the Roman army laughs at their funny dressed opponent on the other side.

            The British on the other side and hear the loud laughter on the Roman side and wonder what it means.

            “I think their laughing at our uniforms,” says a lieutenant.

            “Ha we will be laughing when we wipe them from the battlefield!” declares Sir Arthur Wellesley.

            “But they have iron on them and we have fluffy coats and cute hats,” cries the lieutenant.

            “Quiet you, have faith in the King’s army!” snaps Wellesley back.

            The lieutenant leaves and Wellesley looks at the assembling Romans through his telescope and declares, “Ha the ancient world will learn to fear the red!”

The Roman Plan: Blast the British with arrows and other ranged attacks while the Roman infantry goes shields up to meet and destroy the British lines. The Roman cavalry will swoop behind the British the make any retreat by the British short lived.

The British Plan: Prep the enemy with artillery attacks and execute an attack in echelon. The British will try to back the Roman infantry of that way. After the British do that the cavalry will swoop in for clean up duty.

The Match

            The match begins and the Roman army advances much to the surprise of the British high command. Sir Wellesley decides not to worry though because this just gives the artillery more time to weaken the enemy before the British infantry has to engage and start taking losses of its own. The Romans advance shields up as their “artillery” fires behind them but is not very effective because Wellesley has held his lines back. British artillery has problems hitting the Roman “checkerboard” style of deploying so neither of the artilleries at this point is making a big impact. The Roman advance and the British lack of success with artillery spurs Wellesley to deploy his lines for the attack but under different orders. Instead the British will assemble in a straight line and fire at the Romans from distance and when the Romans get close enough then the attack in echelon will begin. Wellesley then gets news from his scouts that Roman cavalry is going around to the British rear. The Romans have now successfully foiled the whole British plan before major engagements begin. Wellesley wipes his forehead and orders his cavalry to meet and defeat the Roman cavalry.

            Octavian on the other side sees the British moving in a confused manner and smiles knowing that he has destroyed their plan and how waits for their armies to meet and the destruction to become official. Octavian and laughs as the British line up and fire at the Roman lines. The tightly and shielded Romans barely get any causalities from the action but as they get closer the British artillery is having more success in hitting the Romans. Despite this minor British success Octavian receives word that his Roman cavalry has met their British counterparts and sent them off on a retreat. The Romans have destroyed the British forces protecting the rear and it is almost completely open to Roman attack.

            Wellesley hears the same news and almost faints but quickly devises a counter plan. The British cavalry will regroup and try and hold off the Roman cavalry advance while the British makes an all or nothing push. The British meanwhile are having more success picking off the Roman lines that have been hit with artillery fire. The British begin their attack in echelon and easily push the spread out Roman formation. The Romans aren’t used to this attack in mass tactic and are overwhelmed by the redcoats. British fire and advances break the Roman lines and the Romans break for it while the British pursue even under heavy fire of the Roman “artillery”. Octavian sees his lines in shambles and the cavalry advance delayed by regrouped British forces, he is forced to redeploy his cavalry to attack the British and delay the advance while the Romans regroup for one last push. But alas it is not to happen, the lighter equipped British destroy the Roman lines and capture key Roman positions before the Roman cavalry can break away from the British cavalry. Octavian flees the battlefield to go slap Marc Anthony’s dead body to make himself feel better. The British meanwhile throw up their hats and point at their funny coats laughing as the Romans leave the field.

End of Round 1

Those who get to fight another day: The United States of America, Japan, Mongolia, and The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland.

Those who get to walk home alone: The French Empire, Spain, China, and The Roman Empire.

The United States of America vs. Mongolia

Prematch: Across the field the Americans observe the Mongol herd assembling before them. Both sides have good scouts and are known for their scouting and planning so it seems like an even match to begin with. Rumsfeld and his generals though think they might have an easy victory in the making.

            “We’ll blast them to bits and then we will move in and destroy them,” says Rumsfeld oversimplifying his actual plan.

            The Mongols though see the advantage on their side. While the Americans have the technological advantage (which will be watered down to make it fair) the Mongols have the advantage when it comes to hand to hand fighting (which won’t be watered down). Face it those “karate” schools that the Americans take in basic training would not be even make you able to beat a 65 year old martial arts master much less a guy screaming on horseback waving a sword at their heads.

The American Battle Plan: The artillery will be used less and will be less effective due to the Mongol tactics so the Americans plan to compensate this by laying low and using camouflage to fire at range and pick the Mongols off until their “shocked” and flee. The “cavalry” will make sure the Mongols don’t pull up any surprises and work with American infantry in the final push.

The Mongol Battle Plan: The Mongols will try and get in close to blast their opponent up close and try to force them into close combat where the Mongols have the advantage. While the Mongols are like the Americans when it comes to spilling their own blood they are hoping that their rushed charge and quick action will give the Americans a taste of  the Mongolian “shock and awe” way of fighting.

The Match

            The match begins and the Mongols form up and begin to charge ending Rumsfeld’s hopes for a cautious approach by the Mongols. The Americans get on the ground and hold their guns up bracing for the Mongol attack. The Mongols run in a straight line five ranks deep and stop just out of American infantry firing range but the American artillery opens up on the Mongols standing around. The Mongols then split up, the center moving up and moving around in a zone firing at any American they see while the left and right flanks go in for the flank attacks.

            Rumsfeld orders the “heavy cavalry” to move in on the American flanks and repulse the Mongolian attack. The nervous American infantry start firing at the Mongols from all sides and the horseback bound Mongols have a hard time hitting the low laying Americans and some Mongolians run completely through American line not seeing or attacking a single soldier. Those that do find the soldiers alone or in small groups have a great success in killing or breaking them up. Overall while the Mongols are taking substantiate causalities the American lines are about to break. The Mongol center meanwhile is having great success distracting American fire, both infantry and artillery which is an added bonus for the Khan.

            The American cavalry arrives on the scene and American troops backed up with cavalry are starting to turn the tide. The Khan knows he must now make on last surprise on his enemy that will either send them to the championship or home facing their first defeat. He orders his center to split with half going to one side and the other half to the other side. This stops the Mongol retreat and makes American artillery fire impossible but it also frees up the American center to try to break off and encircle the divided Mongol forces. The Mongol cavalry is now encircled by Americans picking them off and a cavalry driving them further back into American fire. The Mongols through their great coordination manage to break through the weak back where American forces just moved in to encircle them. Though the Mongols got out, they did so with great causalities and American forces on their tail. The Mongols try to gather in the center but accurate artillery fire disrupts this plan and the now unorganized Mongols are easily dispersed by the fast moving American forces. The Americans move on to the championship while the surprised Mongols run home to rape and pillage their own homes since they must rape and pillage someone out of habit.

Japan vs. The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland

Prematch: The Japanese look at their red coated opponent and laugh (which Japanese at this time never do). They smile with confidence and know that all it will take to destroy “His Majesty’s Army” will be a little bit of dirt and a lot of bayonet thrusts.

            The British know they’re being laughed at but they take comfort in knowing that the last opponent that laughed at them is now at home crying. Wellesley knows though that it will take all of his British wit and luck to pull one from these hardy fighters.

The Japanese Battle Plan: The Japanese again aren’t taking this opponent seriously and will fight as such though it should be noted that the Japanese slacking off is no where near as bad as you might think it would be. They will hunker down in trenches and blast the proud British until there bodies look like tea and if the British make it close enough, they’ll get a nice Japanese bayonet thrust as a reward.

The British Battle Plan: Sir Wellesley is looking to fake an attack to draw the Japanese out into the open then fall back and let the cavalry route the charging Japanese. His artillery meanwhile will try and bombard Japanese positions in the rear denying them an effective reserve force.

The Match

            The Match begins and the Japanese hunker down in their hastily built trenches and await the British advance. Meanwhile the Japanese artillery fires at the packed British lines. The Brits’ left flank moves to attack and the Japanese see gold and as soon as the British get close enough they open fire with their machine guns littering the floor with British bodies before leaving the trenches and charging bayonets forward. The British gladly follow their commander’s order to fall back and the cavalry swoops in to attack the Japanese. The British are surprised though that the Japanese aren’t breaking back but are still running bayonets forward towards the cavalry. The clever Japanese stab the horses and then take out the riders in ways I won’t describe on this page. The cavalry though does have some success in terms of killings. Wellesley knows he must follow through with what momentum he has before the Japanese artillery blows the British to pieces. He orders the infantry back in the fight to attack and advance with the cavalry towards Japanese line. The Japanese though see that and also see blood and make an all out charge much to their glee. The blood thirsty Japanese are too much for the “proper” British to handle and their either faint or fall back. The Japanese though chase and harass their opponent. Wellesley has no choice but to leave the field before he is stabbed and the Japanese win the quickest victory in the whole tournament completely routing the British army in less than a page.

End of Round 2:

Those that wake up on the other side: The United States of America and Japan

Those who walk down the boulevard of broken dreams: Mongolia and The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland (thank God I won’t have to type that again).

On the Champion's page: United States of America vs. Japan